So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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