How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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