Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
