i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
