I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
