I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
