you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
