You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
