i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
