You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
