Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
