I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
