i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
