Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
