i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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