when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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