I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
