I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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