If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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