and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
