As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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