She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
