Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize