So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
