Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
