maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My ass is underappreciated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
