apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
