Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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