hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Randomize
