Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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