How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
