I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
