OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
