i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
