So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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