So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish i was in the wii world.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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