I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
