i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
