benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
