She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
