Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
