Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
