Where is the hickey?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
