Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
