I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
