what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
