This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
