oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
