He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize