i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After last night, I could never be a politician.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
