I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
