Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
