well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
