I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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