South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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