I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
