:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My brain says no but my pants say off.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
