I think I died a long time ago.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
