this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
