I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
