I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
