He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Walk of Shame today included voting.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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