@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
