found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
