rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
