i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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