All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
