FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
