my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
