.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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