rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
