He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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